


Alone

by HetBud



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Crying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt Harry, Hurt Louis, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, Men Crying, Sad Harry, Sad Louis, an actual tag there, but emotionally, idfk, um, what even happens in this fic its just crying for various reasons, working towards happy ending guys
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-07-19
Updated: 2015-01-03
Packaged: 2018-02-09 12:44:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,661
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1983471
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HetBud/pseuds/HetBud
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Maybe Harrys not as alone as he thought. And maybe being alone is a good thing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this ages ago and so I'm going to leave this here as a sorry for anyone who reads Curiosity or the Spy!AU. Anyone else can read it of course, and there might be a follow up but have this for now. I promise I'll upload another chapter of each as soon as possible, and they will be the very best. I just got a little caught up in my HLsummerfest fic.

_''So what is Larry Stylinson?''_

The lines between Bromance and Romance were blurred for Harry. They always were. He knew the fans saw how he looked at Louis, the pure _adoration_ on his face when his gaze shifted to the older boy. He couldn't help it. He knew the fans saw the way Harry gravitated towards Louis, as if he couldn't live without his touch, without his comfort. They saw the way he leaned into his touches, even the smaller ones. Even a poke of a dimple could make Harry's heart race at first. _'Its just a crush',_ he said. _'I'll get over it',_ he said.

_'My first **real** crush was Louis Tomlinson'_

It was true, it was _so_ true. A look from the other boy could send Harry's heart racing, a blush appearing on his cheeks. Sometimes he hated himself for it, really. Couldn't just develop a crush on one of the more _available_ , or more _female_ contestants. No, it _had_ to be the loud, spontaneous 18 year old who was soon to be his band mate.

' _Mutual, we've discussed it'_

They never discussed it. This amused him, really. The way Louis just shrugged it off back then, playing it off as a ' _Bromance_ _moment_ ', not knowing Harry was serious in his claims to have 'liked' Louis. Especially if you compared it to the Louis Harry now knew, who despised Larry shippers, claiming to be ' _100%_ _straight_ ' and that he'd ' _never_ _date_ _Harry_ '. It was even more funny, oh so _hilarious_ , how with each word he slaughtered Harry's remaining hopes. He never even let Harry answer, not even Niall or Liam would let Harry answer. He knew that, although this annoyed him, the boys were doing this for Harry's own good. They knew about his ' _feelings_ ' for Louis, on some level. They knew how he would mess up.

_'Are you and Louis dating?'_

Oh, how Harry wishes he was dating Louis, but instead he's stuck here, alone, crying over what fans would call ' _fetus Larry_ '. He's miserable, sick and tired of his and Louis' friendship, and the way it was slowly sinking into nothing. Sick and tired of the way Louis wouldn't even look at him in interviews anymore, just because Louis was scared of this _'Larry'_. Scared of the way fans believed he and Harry were dating, rather than Louis and his (in Harry's opinion) bitchy girlfriend. Sick and bloody _tired_ of the way Louis had lied to the fans countless times, claiming to have moved out, but instead living with and ignoring Harry when he needed it most. When Louis was upset, over a stupid spat with Eleanor or some hate, Harry was _there_. Yet, here Harry was, sobbing over the lost cause that is his own love life, Staring blankly at his younger self, and how happy he is with his best friend. Harry reflects on how, now, Louis and him are barely acquaintances. How, now, Harry is the only one giving in their friendship. He needed Louis, so much, and Louis just wasn't _there_. Even when Louis was sat next to him in an interview, he would lean away, avoid Harry, not even realising the hurt on Harry's face when he did.

_'Yup'_

But that was just how Louis was now. He just didn't see. Didn't see how Harry would gaze lovingly at him, even as he denied Harry and him ever having any non-platonic relationships. Didn't see how all the time Harry would reach out for Louis, only to be turned down in the subtlest ways. Didn't see how much all of this just _hurt_. It hurt so, _so_ much for Harry to be so close to the one person he relied on, but so far. Didn't see how Harry was suffering, how Harry would look up hate, and nobody would notice the tears shimmering in his eyes as he read through it, sitting quietly in a corner. Not even Zayn noticed how damn _quiet_ Harry was now. It was like he wanted to scream, scream so loud that anyone could hear him. Scream so that all the lies he had told the people he loved were revealed. But he sat there, like a good boy, keeping it in, never showing his weakness. Never letting anyone know how much he was broken inside.

_'They genuinely, seriously think me and Harry are in a relationship'_

Harry genuinely thinks so, too, sometimes. Letting himself get carried away with his fantasies, researching Larry on Tumblr, fangirling over how real it is before realising, _oh. Its not real._ It never will be. No matter how much he wishes it could happen. It won't. Louis is _straight_. A reminder of that forces Harry to sob even louder, turning to his pillow and screaming at the world. That reminds him also where Louis is _now_. Out, gone with Eleanor on some romantic field trip. Some date that would be described, _in detail_ , to Harry as soon as Louis woke up the next morning. And worse, if Louis brings Eleanor home and, _fuck_ , what if she helps him tell the story? What if he proposes? He's never mentioned it to Harry before but why would he, they aren't even friends anymore and _shit_ , if that didn't drive a hole into Harry's heart. He was screaming fully now, body trembling and eyes aching from the amount of tears he's produced. Imagining Eleanor and Louis happy had never quite affected Harry this badly, but, he reckons, its Valentines, and he doesn't have anyone here for him.

''Harry?'' A shocked voice questions, coming from the doorway, blue eyes glistening with tears as the figure watches Harry breaking, watches Harry sobbing at scratching at himself. He hates the thought of Harry ever doing anything like this, and seeing it makes a tear fall down his face. ''Harry, its okay...'' he reassures, approaching Harry.

_Maybe Harrys not as alone as he thought. And maybe being alone is a good thing. Because now he has to explain himself. And he doesn't ever wanna do that._ _Not to this person._


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I made another chapter. It's a bit of a sequel but I'll make it a chapter because there's probably more to come. Thanks to everyone that commented/left kudos last time!

Louis was struggling. It was like he was stranded on an island that was slowly sinking and the other boys just taunted him with a helicopter looping around his head. Harry would be the one dipping it down so that the tips of his fingers could touch the rope before he brought it far above his head. Modest would be-they would be a shark, circling the island. Or maybe the last drop of water that drowned him. No-they’d be the final thought that made him stopping jumping for the rope when the water reaches neck and just make him give in, give up. But at the same time they could be the fish nipping at his ankles that granted him the defiance to survive.

Eleanor would be the sea water-comforting in its periodic waves washing over his head and body, but still deadly in the most innocent of ways. She was just _there_ and by being there with everything else going on, she was the guilty one and the one to face Louis’ wrath, the thrashing of his limbs and the screams that she tried to silence by smothering him. Drowning him. 

It was one of the times when Louis focused on the good that came with Eleanor-a cover to distance himself from Harry and the other boys, a constant reminder of what he had to do, a friend at times, an ear to listen to his problems. He tried to ignore the fact that he was here because he was expected to be. Eleanor looked beautiful but Louis knew the attraction was aesthetic, maybe sensual at most. A few drunken kisses, a hug here and there. Comfort, as he had mentioned.

‘Desperately trying to find metaphors for your sad, hopeless life?’ Eleanor giggled, whispering into his ear, ever set on showing affection or devotion to him, always looking for a pay rise. He didn’t blame her, it’s usually between a pay rise and a harsh shouting session. Usually she was taken from the room before the shouting began, but it all depended on her performance. Louis shook his head a little and sighed before answering her question. As soon as he opened his mouth, she spoke again. ‘Am I the evil queen hell bent on your death, or am I the faithful animal companion?’

‘Neither.’ He muttered, head turned a little away from hers. ‘The sea.’ He tried to be honest with her because they both knew others who they could tell the truth to were far and few.

‘The island one again? Why isn’t it ever just a lost princess Louis wandering around to find his prince?’ Eleanor pressed her lips against his neck, mumbling. She had been drinking all night whilst Louis avoided anything that wasn’t 90% or more water. She was more than a little tipsy, but she tended to be just as ‘’deep’’ as Louis when she was in this state.

‘Because, my dear Eleanor, I am neither a princess nor in need of finding some prince.’ He mocked, talking in a stereotypically ‘’posh’’ accent that reminded him somehow of Harry. It made his last words quieter, made his voice trail off. ‘You don’t think Harry is out with someone, do you?’ He sniffed, turning his head to nuzzle back against her. Their position was a little awkward, she was slightly taller than him, and so was bent to push her face against his neck, and his neck was at a weird angle.

‘He wouldn’t, Lou-I’ve told you before he’s-‘Eleanor tried to back up her argument quickly, before Louis could cut her off, but she didn’t succeed. Louis’ hand reached her mouth just as his phone rang out.

Louis shuffled to sit up in his seat, bringing his phone up from where it was in his back pocket.

‘It’s Niall.’ He whispered, staring at the name. Surely the boy’s wouldn’t call him now, they thought he was on some romantic date with Eleanor. Zayn and Liam even got it into their heads that he was going to propose but-he couldn’t let it get that far, not so fast, not now.

‘Why would he-?’ Eleanor tried to ask, but then the call stopped. And the message started to play as it was recorded.

 _‘Louis, we’ve told you before and we’ll tell you again…’_ Niall sounded panicked, especially compared to his comment, which seemed chilled enough, maybe he was going to scold Louis about leaving things on in the house- had it burned down? Was Harry hurt? Louis didn’t know what he would do if Harry was hurt. He listened carefully and could hear quiet snuffles behind Niall’s deep breathing. There was a deep voice counting slowly-Harry’s voice-in between the snuffles. Louis assumed it was a sort of way to calm down whoever was upset.

 _‘Eleanor isn’t more important than One Direction, okay? Eleanor isn’t more important than your best friend, who’s-who you abandoned.’_ Niall’s voice was harsh now and the snuffles turned to sobs. He whispered. _‘Harry is so upset-I can’t even talk to you right now-Just listen-‘_

Louis listened. He heard sobs, frantic noises, cries of his own name, and all of them now having been identified as Harry himself. Harry calming himself down desperately because he knew Niall was calling Louis, Harry crying on Valentine’s Day because Louis had left him alone whilst he went out with Eleanor. Harry sobbing because Louis had shown to him that Eleanor was more important than him, his best friend. Louis felt like a failure. Wasn’t the point of all this to keep the other boy’s happy?

‘Should we go?’ Eleanor asked quietly, able to detect Louis’ sudden mood change. Louis nodded silently.

 

The walk back to the door was silent but inside Louis’ mind there was screaming and shouting and a strange numb that somehow signified too many feelings rather than none at all. Eleanor would nudge him when his eyes started to water or his face started to fall. There was no reason to cry, there was no reason to be upset because he was the one in the wrong. He knew she was only trying to keep him happy for the cameras but instead he blamed himself, framed Eleanor in his mind as if she too blamed him, though she probably heard minimal amounts of the audio clip.

Outside was flashes and shouts of his name. Some insults weaved their way through and they riled him up far more than they normally would but he was still too numb too act, too full of feelings to do more than put one foot in front of the other and stride towards the car with that half grin on his face, the most convincing one he could muster up. One particular shout stayed in his mind, an innocent shout that sounded accusing to Louis. He heard it as he got into the car and he sobbed, a dry sob as Eleanor clambered in behind him.

‘Where are your bandmates, Louis?’ A man had shouted. It made Louis think of Harry, sobbing alone in their flat, Niall walking in on him. Liam and Zayn abandoning their own girlfriends just because Louis had blatantly neglected his best friend. Eleanor wrapped her arm around Louis and he nuzzled into her for a second, before pulling away harshly. He still held his phone in his hand, he realised, and he stared at it for a good few moments before pressing for the message to play again.

Eleanor made a soft noise as she heard it properly for the first time. Louis’ face hardened as he realised that he shouldn’t cry. Who was he to cry when he was the cause of this, when he was the antagonist?

‘I did this.’ Louis whispered. He spoke louder the second time. ‘I did this to Harry and you offer me comfort.’ He turned to Eleanor, voice raising. ‘In what world do I deserve the comfort, Eleanor?’ His voice broke as he spoke again, softly. ‘In what world do I even deserve any of this?’ His voice turned to a sarcastic mutter, words filled with self-deprecating thoughts. ‘Maybe I shouldn’t even go back. Just send a message saying Harry doesn’t deserve me and neither does anyone. I’m just such a _good_ friend, what a _brilliant_ idea it was to abandon him. Wonder who thought of that-?’ He scoffed under his breath. ‘Idiot.’

‘Louis?’ Eleanor touched his arm softly and he turned to her swiftly, about to scream at her and shout at her and tell her just how much he didn’t want her comfort-didn’t deserve the calming waves, he deserved the stormy and icy waters rather than the warm ones he encountered. She didn’t even flinch as he schooled his features into angry ones and tried to get the words out but-he couldn’t.

‘I’m sorry.’ He sobbed. ‘I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.’ He repeated over and over again, words dry but eyes wet with tears he couldn’t let fall. If they fell he would be giving in, he would be allowing himself to be the protagonist and he couldn’t be-not after Harry-not after everything he’d done. Eleanor patted his back right until he started screeching and sobbing and his cheeks were wet with the tears he had let fall and the tears of weakness that had fallen after they had done so.

\--

Somewhere across town, there came a whisper from a flat owned by two young boys, one that felt too much and one that didn’t allow himself to feel. It echoed into the darkness once, a fleeting sound in the dead ears of exhausted friends who had tried to balance them out and had failed until the first had felt so much he felt numb and the second felt so numb that his emotions overflowed. The whisper was broken, just as the lips who caressed the words had been.

_‘I forgive you.’_


End file.
